I woke up to a pretty decent sized earthquake this morning... it had been so long since I had felt one that I totally forgot the proper thing to do! Luckily it didn't last all that long, but boy was it a strange feeling. I tried going back to bed after that but my ear was really bothering me, so I didn't get all that much sleep in. I had a meeting at 11, ballroom at 12, class at 2, lab at 3:30, then another meeting. Luckily I have a break in between lab and my meeting, so I'm probably going to nap. Tonight I have an article to write, a movie to watch for class, and hopefully will fit in a work out! Nothing too interesting today, just catching up on sleep and nursing myself back to health... Oh yeah and I'll definitely fit in an episode of Arrested Development!
Breakfast
1 slice of pepperoni pizza (yeah, I know... not healthy. But it had to be eaten!)
Mini-Workout
1 hr Ballroom
Lunch
Footlong Black Forest Ham Sandwich loaded w/ Veggies (I ate each half 3 hours apart)
It was a relatively good weekend, but it definitely had its ups & downs. I spent Friday & Saturday working all day, but luckily got to come home at night and spend time with my friends. Thursday night was especially fun because we spent all evening hanging out together, drinking beer, and ended up meeting some out-of-towners. Sunday and Monday I went with my mother to wine country, which is always a treat. However, my mother and I definitely don't see eye to eye sometimes so there were some rough patches that weren't all too great. It kind of scares me that I might have to move back to that... so I'm trying to evaluate all of my options.
The worst part was that I ended up in the hospital early on Monday morning. I woke up with a really bad earache at 2am, but figured with some advil it'd just go away. I tried going back to sleep but by 6am I was in excruciating pain and ended up in the ER. My eardrum was close to rupturing due to a middle ear infection, but luckily (& quite painfully) they caught it on time. I'm still recovering, but I was able to have some fun regardless. That night I went to a friend's BBQ, and tonight I went to go see The Hangover III.
I started packing up my apartment which is kind of sad. It is really starting to hit me that in less than 3 weeks I'm going to be out of here. I still have no idea where I'm going, I have a few options to evaluate, but everything is going to be changing... and hopefully for the better!
Today has been a much better day. I found inspiration from readings and solace from friends, and I realized that there's no reason to allow someone from the past to bring you down. People who say terrible things about you and try to tear your self-image apart don't deserve your attention at any point in your life. As I've mentioned, I got out of a troubled relationship... and the break-up seemed to last for a lifetime. I'm not going to say that either of us are or were bad people, but we definitely both made mistakes. The thing is, at one point we truly loved each other. And in those moments, life was bliss. Even though the relationship is over and the pain lingers sometimes, there is absolutely no reason to deny that there was something there that brought both of us happiness, even for a moment or two. There is no reason to try and bring pain to the other... every person is just trying to live their life the best way that they know how. I accept the past, I accept who I am, and I accept that I was hurt beyond belief by someone who I thought cared about me. I forgive him, and I can finally move on from the pain. I wish him the best in everything. Yesterday marked the end of a chapter, and the beginning of a new one.
I had an absolutely amazing ballroom dancing class today! Before the class begins, the instructors put on music so that the students can freestyle it if they so choose. Today, I got there early and was asked to dance to a swing song. Unfortunately I had missed the last class on swing so I didn't know how to do some of the fancier moves. He assured me it was fine and to "trust him." He was the best lead I have ever had, and it was one of the most fun and thrilling experiences I've had in the class! A lot of the leads in the beginner classes don't really give good leads and you're (as a follow) left guessing as to which move you're supposed to do next. This was much different - every single motion he made had a purpose, and it directed me towards the move I was supposed to do. He led me in swing through the whole song, doing twirl after twirl, turn after turn, move after move effortlessly... At no point did I feel like I didn't know what I was doing. It felt like how I always imagined ballroom would be - fluid, exciting, and fun! I was so involved in the dance that not once did I look around awkwardly to see what moves the other people were doing. I feel very blessed to have had the experience, and I look forward to hopefully continuing ballroom even after I graduate! I recommend everyone step out of their comfort zone and try something new :) Never be afraid.
Even though I went to sleep earlier than usual last night, I still feel exhausted. For the last four to five days I've been staying up late and waking up relatively early, and its definitely catching up to me. I am in office hours at the moment just trying to keep my eyes open. I'm incredibly tempted to skip my first class but I feel like I'll regret if if I do. Sometimes I feel like the more I know I have to do, the more exhausted I get just thinking about it. Nap > Productivity. I feel too tired to even eat o.o
Tonight I have to do some research, write two articles, clean up from the weekend festivities, and maybe get ahead on some reading. It amazes me how tired I feel now and yet I know later tonight when I should be going to bed I'll be wide awake...
One other good thing that happened this last week is that I decided to accept the changes that are coming my way rather than resist them. Change can be scary, but you can't expect life to get better if you just keep doing the same thing over and over. Moving a few hours away from my home for school was terrifying at first, but it has been the best experience of my life. Now that this time is coming to a close, I can't keep being afraid... the next best thing is on its way.
Breakfast
Voskos Strawberry Greek Yogurt w/ Granola
Lunch
2 Fish Tacos w/ Sour Cream, Salsa, & 1/2 Avocado
Workout
50 min Fitness Class that concentrated on Burpees
I'm not gonna lie, this class kicked my ass. I left shaking.
So its been a crazy week. It had its ups and downs, but the high points were absolutely amazing :) For mother's day weekend I went wine tasting with my mom, had a nice lunch and dinner, and also got to spend some time with friends. Work at the theater was ridiculous because the Great Gatsby came out, and dealing with that plus a problematic projector was a recipe for disaster. Had to cancel numerous shows, give out hundreds of refunds, and try to figure out how to fix it. But it was all made up for because the night my friends and I went to go see it we got to watch it in a private theater and I got paid to do it ;)
Thursday was also my last wine class, which consisted of endless wine and food and then finished up with the teacher talking about the meaning of life and our existence in the universe... it was deep and incredibly entertaining experience. Needless to say I left there in a good place.
Another night my friend and I opened up a few bottles of wine and watched disney movies until 4am... sooo worth it :P And last night was my friend's themed birthday party which turned out to be a blast and will probably be providing some good laughs for the next week or so and memories to last a lifetime! Ended up staying awake til 5am, no regrets. And today we got to go to a huge concert and it was a beautiful day!
After everything I am absolutely exhausted, but thankful. As I mentioned, the week had some lows but I'm proud of myself because I have refused to let it affect me for too long. Getting stuck in a bad place helps nothing, and I'm glad I've finally figured that out. I'm looking forward to the week ahead!
Today has been an incredibly lazy day, but I have no regrets. I went downtown with one friend for some amazing tacos and two wine tastings, came home and took a nap (for some reason I barely slept last night, it was awful), went to my wine tasting class (where I had 2 more glasses of wine) and I'm now waiting for two more of my friends to come over and hang out tonight. All in all it was a good day, and although I didn't do anything productive or work out, I don't mind. Sometimes you need 'fun days,' and I will try to make up for it tomorrow.
So today has been a rather exhausting day, but I'm getting through it. I didn't end up getting to sleep last night until just before 4am because my friend and I got wayyyyy too carried away with How I Met Your Mother and music videos. But I have no regrets. Only a little more than a month left until we're all separated :( So I'm happy to take advantage of whatever chance I get to hang out.
This song perfectly captures my mood / thoughts / hopes right now:
"Life, it's ever so strange.
It's so full of change.
Think that you've worked it out
Then BANG!
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
And then you...
Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown.
Well don't you breakdown,
Listen to me because...
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide.
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down.
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes.
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget enjoy the ride.
Slowly, oh so very slowly
Accept that
There's no getting off.
So live it, just gotta go with it.
Because this ride's never gonna stop."
Speaking of How I Met Your Mother... the 8th season is SOOOO precious. This show is amazing <3 I nearly cried. Everyone should watch this show. I'm going to die a little inside when it ends.
"If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe,
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe."
So today I had a meeting at 11am, ballroom dancing at 12pm, Italian culture class at 2pm, a lab that ended up being cancelled at 3:30pm (yay!), and yet another meeting at 5:30pm today. Ballroom was fun, as always, and a pretty decent workout. Its kind of cool because I'm getting to know some of the leads in the class and what it actually means to be a good lead. Some of the guys think they're the shit (when they're obviously not) and absolutely fail being a lead by either being too aggressive or too loose, and yet some others are a lot more modest then really surprise you when you dance with them. I'm really enjoying this experience and I am determined to find another ballroom class when I graduate!
I took a short nap when I got home and I'm feeling a little less exhausted. After my meeting I worked on a few articles and caught up on reading.
Breakfast
Leftover Thai Chicken Red Curry
Snack
Blueberry Greek Yogurt w/ Granola
Lunch
Leftover Thai Chicken Red Curry [now its all gone :( dang! ]
Today has been a good, albeit relatively uneventful, day. I normally work on Tuesdays for the majority of the day, but since I'm On Call I couldn't work. I slept in a bit, made a delicious brunch, did the laundry, worked out, uploaded some of my completed articles, finished the 3rd season of Arrested Development (can't wait for the next season to come out later this month!), cleaned up a bit, and now I'm about to start writing a new article. Luckily for me a friend is going to come over in a couple hours to have some girl time, try a new wine, and probably watch a movie :) All in all it has been a good day... it doesn't take elaborate planning or stressing to make good things happen, sometimes you just need to appreciate what you have!
Today is a productive day (I'm making sure of it). I had office hours, during which I completed an assignment, ballroom dancing, class, a fitness class, and then On Call duties which should be slow and during which I can get more stuff done (maybe even hang with a friend).
Ballroom dancing was especially fun today... we started off with the Viennese Waltz which is an absolutely beautiful dance. It reminds me of the ballroom scene in Sleeping Beauty and I hope one day to have the privilege to dress up in a gown and dance to it!
The teacher then decided to throw in a random and high-paced dance called the Polka. He showed us the basic steps (which basically consists of a constant jumping and skipping type motion), paired us up with partners, then challenged us to go along to the 5 min song and travel around the room in an oval shape (mind you there are about 100 people in this class). I got partnered up with an especially good-humored guy and even though we messed up a thousand times, I probably had the most fun I have had in that class. It felt like we were running/skipping around this gigantic room twirling in circles and trying to dodge all of the other chaotically running/skipping couples. Within 30 seconds at least half of the class had given up and pushed off to the side, leaving the remaining of the couples more room to continue. We decided to push through it even though we were panting by this time and were 1 of the 3 remaining couples to make it through the whole thing! By the end of it everyone was sweating as if they had run a mile, but it was so worth it and I just know that'll be one of my favorite memories of this class.
We finished up the class with a Rumba which was also a lot of fun :) Needless to say I left the class with a huge smile on my face (and sweat on my brow). It was also a huge relief that it was sunny out! The forecast said rain but it was bright and sunny through out! I got some tea, hung out in the sun, and then headed to my other class.
Fitness class today was difficult but rewarding! I can definitely tell the difference between the first class I took 5 weeks ago and today's. Although still incredibly difficult, I can now push myself to continue without stopping and reveling in the feeling of doing something good for my body. After the high intensity cardio portion we had a core centered portion that consisted of some really challenging sit-ups / crunches / balancing... It is hard to explain, but the point is that I didn't stop throughout that portion at all. I can feel my core getting tighter and stronger and it feels better than ever!
I am getting there and I will not stop pushing myself! This is just the beginning :)
Its been a good few days :) Hanging with friends mostly and getting some things accomplished. Since my friend and I work today, we decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo early on Saturday... and Cuatro de Mayo was born! Yesterday was a lot of fun; we went to two outdoor festivals and got a bunch of free stuff, including a CD from a band that was playing! We had some wings, got Starbucks happy hour Frappuccino's, and then headed back to my friend's house to play games, drink corona-mango-ritas, and make a Pinata Cake and Mexican corn. It was absolutely delicious and we ended up spending the whole night dancing and talking :) I love my friends so much, and I'm going to miss them when we all graduate. There was a tear jerker moment (thanks, Tequila) when we agreed to be each others bride's mates if/when we get married <3
Today I have to work, but my friend is also working so we'll have a good time. We're really glad we celebrated yesterday because today's weather is kind of drippy droppy... so I won't mind staying inside!
Sometimes life throws you for a loop. It is your choice whether to try hopelessly to fight it and get lost and disoriented or to lean into it and embrace the change. As hard as it is, I'm going to try and embrace this. This entire year I've been dreading graduation... It terrifies me that most of my friends will be moving away and that I might have to move back to my hometown. I held onto this hope that my contract with one of my current jobs would be extended until September so that I'd at least have a couple more months to embrace this beautiful town and figure out what to do next. I wanted this so badly that I tried not to think about what I'd do if my contract wasn't extended.
Today I found out that it wasn't. After I graduate mid-June, I lose the job that pays for my apartment which means that I will most likely have to also quit my other job since I won't be able to afford rent here. I'm trying to remain positive but to be honest I am a little devastated. However, this will force me to start evaluating all of my options for after graduation and hopefully come up with something worthwhile. It'll be goodbye to all of the friends I have made here :( I just have to trust that I can handle anything and I will find my groove wherever I end up.
And now I really need to take advantage of every moment here with my friends for this next month and a half.
Besides that, today has been a long and stressful day. I had a midterm today at 2pm for Italian Culture that I had procrastinated studying on so I spent a couple hours last night and woke up early this morning to study for it. I also had a meeting at 11. I'm just glad its over with now and I have some time to myself to figure everything out. I have some articles and essays to write, plus the gym, so hopefully that'll keep me busy enough to keep my mind off of negativity.
"People walk a tightrope on a razor's edge,
carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons.
It could be a bomb, or a bullet, or a pen,
OR a thought, or a word, or a sentence.
There ain't no reason things are this way,
It's how they've always been and they intend to stay.
