The Path

Clean Slate

Today has been a long yet great day :) I've started a new chapter and I'm so excited for the future! I was offered a great job in a new town and moved there with my friend into a lovely apartment with a pool! I met with my boss today after the move to sign some paperwork and everything is set in stone and I'll be making pretty good money ;) Now for some wine and unpacking with one of my best friends!

I am so thankful that I could start anew and not worry about my ex stalking me anymore. He was much older than me, and yet acts so childish... he made sure I knew that he took the fish tank that I threw in the dumpster... good for you man, going through the dumpster after my scraps! What is really sad is that it had to come to this. Mean comments on my blog, leaving shit on my doors... how could he possibly have a girlfriend if he spends so much time attempting to bother me?  Its been at least 2 months since we last saw each other, and yet he still insists on trying to upset me.  You know what?  He doesn't have that power over me anymore.

We had hard times (really hard), but in the end I just wish him peace.  I loved him at one point obviously, and vice versa.  Hopefully now he can move on with his life and leave me in peace as well.  He was a good man when we were in love, and I just know with some time he can return to that and find happiness.  Here's to a fresh start to all involved, and a bright new future :)

"You will become what you deserve."

Ira & Abby

Next Chapter

:)

Quake ~ Daily Log 5/29

I woke up to a pretty decent sized earthquake this morning... it had been so long since I had felt one that I totally forgot the proper thing to do! Luckily it didn't last all that long, but boy was it a strange feeling.  I tried going back to bed after that but my ear was really bothering me, so I didn't get all that much sleep in.  I had a meeting at 11, ballroom at 12, class at 2, lab at 3:30, then another meeting.  Luckily I have a break in between lab and my meeting, so I'm probably going to nap.  Tonight I have an article to write, a movie to watch for class, and hopefully will fit in a work out! Nothing too interesting today, just catching up on sleep and nursing myself back to health... Oh yeah and I'll definitely fit in an episode of Arrested Development!

Breakfast

• 1 slice of pepperoni pizza (yeah, I know... not healthy. But it had to be eaten!)

Mini-Workout

• 1 hr Ballroom

Lunch

• Footlong Black Forest Ham Sandwich loaded w/ Veggies (I ate each half 3 hours apart)

Dinner

• Baked Tilapia, Brown Rice, & Steamed Zucchini

Drinks

• 1 cup of coffee
• 5 cups of water
• 5 cups of black tea
• 2 cups of green tea
• Blackberry Tart Blue Moon

Time Flies

It was a relatively good weekend, but it definitely had its ups & downs.  I spent Friday & Saturday working all day, but luckily got to come home at night and spend time with my friends.  Thursday night was especially fun because we spent all evening hanging out together, drinking beer, and ended up meeting some out-of-towners.  Sunday and Monday I went with my mother to wine country, which is always a treat.  However, my mother and I definitely don't see eye to eye sometimes so there were some rough patches that weren't all too great.  It kind of scares me that I might have to move back to that... so I'm trying to evaluate all of my options.

The worst part was that I ended up in the hospital early on Monday morning.  I woke up with a really bad earache at 2am, but figured with some advil it'd just go away.  I tried going back to sleep but by 6am I was in excruciating pain and ended up in the ER.  My eardrum was close to rupturing due to a middle ear infection, but luckily (& quite painfully) they caught it on time. I'm still recovering, but I was able to have some fun regardless.  That night I went to a friend's BBQ, and tonight I went to go see The Hangover III.

I started packing up my apartment which is kind of sad.  It is really starting to hit me that in less than 3 weeks I'm going to be out of here.  I still have no idea where I'm going, I have a few options to evaluate, but everything is going to be changing... and hopefully for the better!

It's Back!

Better Days ~ Daily Log 5/22

Today has been a much better day.  I found inspiration from readings and solace from friends, and I realized that there's no reason to allow someone from the past to bring you down.  People who say terrible things about you and try to tear your self-image apart don't deserve your attention at any point in your life.  As I've mentioned, I got out of a troubled relationship... and the break-up seemed to last for a lifetime.  I'm not going to say that either of us are or were bad people, but we definitely both made mistakes.  The thing is, at one point we truly loved each other.  And in those moments, life was bliss.  Even though the relationship is over and the pain lingers sometimes, there is absolutely no reason to deny that there was something there that brought both of us happiness, even for a moment or two.  There is no reason to try and bring pain to the other... every person is just trying to live their life the best way that they know how.  I accept the past, I accept who I am, and I accept that I was hurt beyond belief by someone who I thought cared about me.  I forgive him, and I can finally move on from the pain.  I wish him the best in everything.  Yesterday marked the end of a chapter, and the beginning of a new one.

I had an absolutely amazing ballroom dancing class today! Before the class begins, the instructors put on music so that the students can freestyle it if they so choose.  Today, I got there early and was asked to dance to a swing song.  Unfortunately I had missed the last class on swing so I didn't know how to do some of the fancier moves.  He assured me it was fine and to "trust him."  He was the best lead I have ever had, and it was one of the most fun and thrilling experiences I've had in the class!  A lot of the leads in the beginner classes don't really give good leads and you're (as a follow) left guessing as to which move you're supposed to do next.  This was much different - every single motion he made had a purpose, and it directed me towards the move I was supposed to do.  He led me in swing through the whole song, doing twirl after twirl, turn after turn, move after move effortlessly... At no point did I feel like I didn't know what I was doing.  It felt like how I always imagined ballroom would be - fluid, exciting, and fun! I was so involved in the dance that not once did I look around awkwardly to see what moves the other people were doing.  I feel very blessed to have had the experience, and I look forward to hopefully continuing ballroom even after I graduate!  I recommend everyone step out of their comfort zone and try something new :) Never be afraid.

Breakfast

• Hashbrowns w/ 1 Fried Egg, 1/4 Avocado, & Sour Cream

Mini-Workout

• 1 hour Ballroom Dancing

Snack

• Strawberry Banana Greek Yogurt
• Apple

Dinner

• Chicken & Vegetable Stuffed Bell Peppers 

Drinks

• 1 cup of coffee
• 4 cups of black tea
• 3 cups of green tea
• 6 cups of water
• 1 glass of wine

I Thank...

"I thank...

those who hurt me, because they toughened my will. 

those who deceived me, because they made me wiser. 

those who insulted me, because they strengthened my character. 

those who beat me, because they fueled my will to fight. 

those who abandoned me, because they taught me to be independent. 

those who toppled me, because they solidified my stance. 

those who opposed me, because they made me more vigilant. 

those who were frank with me, because they are my true friends. 

I thank God for allowing adversity to befall upon me, for that is the only path to spiritual growth and maturity."

Get Through It ~ Daily Log 5/20

Even though I went to sleep earlier than usual last night, I still feel exhausted.  For the last four to five days I've been staying up late and waking up relatively early, and its definitely catching up to me.  I am in office hours at the moment just trying to keep my eyes open.  I'm incredibly tempted to skip my first class but I feel like I'll regret if if I do.  Sometimes I feel like the more I know I have to do, the more exhausted I get just thinking about it.  Nap > Productivity.  I feel too tired to even eat o.o

Tonight I have to do some research, write two articles, clean up from the weekend festivities, and maybe get ahead on some reading.  It amazes me how tired I feel now and yet I know later tonight when I should be going to bed I'll be wide awake...

One other good thing that happened this last week is that I decided to accept the changes that are coming my way rather than resist them.  Change can be scary, but you can't expect life to get better if you just keep doing the same thing over and over.  Moving a few hours away from my home for school was terrifying at first, but it has been the best experience of my life.  Now that this time is coming to a close, I can't keep being afraid... the next best thing is on its way.

Breakfast

• Voskos Strawberry Greek Yogurt w/ Granola

Lunch

• 2 Fish Tacos w/ Sour Cream, Salsa, & 1/2 Avocado

Workout

• 50 min Fitness Class that concentrated on Burpees
• I'm not gonna lie, this class kicked my ass. I left shaking.

Dinner

• 1 Raw Bell Pepper in Salsa Ranch

Drinks

• 2.5 cups of coffee
• 8 cups of water
• 1.5 glasses of wine

I'm Baaack.

So its been a crazy week.  It had its ups and downs, but the high points were absolutely amazing :)  For mother's day weekend I went wine tasting with my mom, had a nice lunch and dinner, and also got to spend some time with friends.  Work at the theater was ridiculous because the Great Gatsby came out, and dealing with that plus a problematic projector was a recipe for disaster.  Had to cancel numerous shows, give out hundreds of refunds, and try to figure out how to fix it.  But it was all made up for because the night my friends and I went to go see it we got to watch it in a private theater and I got paid to do it ;)

Thursday was also my last wine class, which consisted of endless wine and food and then finished up with the teacher talking about the meaning of life and our existence in the universe... it was deep and incredibly entertaining experience.  Needless to say I left there in a good place.

Another night my friend and I opened up a few bottles of wine and watched disney movies until 4am... sooo worth it :P  And last night was my friend's themed birthday party which turned out to be a blast and will probably be providing some good laughs for the next week or so and memories to last a lifetime! Ended up staying awake til 5am, no regrets.  And today we got to go to a huge concert and it was a beautiful day!

After everything I am absolutely exhausted, but thankful.  As I mentioned, the week had some lows but I'm proud of myself because I have refused to let it affect me for too long.  Getting stuck in a bad place helps nothing, and I'm glad I've finally figured that out.  I'm looking forward to the week ahead!

I Will Survive

Wine a Bit ~ Daily Log 5/9

Today has been an incredibly lazy day, but I have no regrets. I went downtown with one friend for some amazing tacos and two wine tastings, came home and took a nap (for some reason I barely slept last night, it was awful), went to my wine tasting class (where I had 2 more glasses of wine) and I'm now waiting for two more of my friends to come over and hang out tonight. All in all it was a good day, and although I didn't do anything productive or work out, I don't mind.  Sometimes you need 'fun days,' and I will try to make up for it tomorrow. 

Breakfast

• Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal

Lunch

• 4 Asada Street Tacos

Dinner

• 2 California Rolls

Drinks

• 4 cups of water (& counting)
• 2 cups of coffee
• wine... & more wine

Take the Lead ~ Daily Log 5/8

So today has been a rather exhausting day, but I'm getting through it.  I didn't end up getting to sleep last night until just before 4am because my friend and I got wayyyyy too carried away with How I Met Your Mother and music videos.  But I have no regrets.  Only a little more than a month left until we're all separated :( So I'm happy to take advantage of whatever chance I get to hang out. 

This song perfectly captures my mood / thoughts / hopes right now:



"Life, it's ever so strange.

It's so full of change.

Think that you've worked it out

Then BANG!

Right out of the blue

Something happens to you

To throw you off course

And then you...

 

Breakdown

Yeah you breakdown.

Well don't you breakdown,

Listen to me because...

 

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

No need to run, no need to hide.

It'll take you round and round

Sometimes you're up

Sometimes you're down.

Don't be scared

Don't hide your eyes.

It may feel so real inside

But don't forget enjoy the ride.

 

Slowly, oh so very slowly

Accept that

There's no getting off.

So live it, just gotta go with it.

Because this ride's never gonna stop."



Speaking of How I Met Your Mother... the 8th season is SOOOO precious.  This show is amazing <3 I nearly cried.  Everyone should watch this show.  I'm going to die a little inside when it ends.



"If I just breathe

Let it fill the space between

I'll know everything is alright

Breathe,

Every little piece of me

You'll see

Everything is alright

If I just breathe."
 



So today I had a meeting at 11am, ballroom dancing at 12pm, Italian culture class at 2pm, a lab that ended up being cancelled at 3:30pm (yay!), and yet another meeting at 5:30pm today. Ballroom was fun, as always, and a pretty decent workout.  Its kind of cool because I'm getting to know some of the leads in the class and what it actually means to be a good lead.  Some of the guys think they're the shit (when they're obviously not) and absolutely fail being a lead by either being too aggressive or too loose, and yet some others are a lot more modest then really surprise you when you dance with them.  I'm really enjoying this experience and I am determined to find another ballroom class when I graduate!

I took a short nap when I got home and I'm feeling a little less exhausted.  After my meeting I worked on a few articles and caught up on reading.


Breakfast

• Leftover Thai Chicken Red Curry

Snack

• Blueberry Greek Yogurt w/ Granola

Lunch

• Leftover Thai Chicken Red Curry [now its all gone :( dang! ]

Dinner

• Red Curry Tilapia & Steamed Vegetables

Drinks

• 7 cups of coffee
• 2.5 cups of black tea
• 8 cups of water
• Lost Coast Indica India Pale Ale

Head and the Heart ~ Daily Log 5/7

Today has been a good, albeit relatively uneventful, day.  I normally work on Tuesdays for the majority of the day, but since I'm On Call I couldn't work.  I slept in a bit, made a delicious brunch, did the laundry, worked out, uploaded some of my completed articles, finished the 3rd season of Arrested Development (can't wait for the next season to come out later this month!), cleaned up a bit, and now I'm about to start writing a new article.  Luckily for me a friend is going to come over in a couple hours to have some girl time, try a new wine, and probably watch a movie :) All in all it has been a good day... it doesn't take elaborate planning or stressing to make good things happen, sometimes you just need to appreciate what you have!

 

Reliving old memories... <3

 

 

Brunch

• Salad w/ Chicken, Black Bean Salsa, 1/2 Avocado, & Sour Cream

Workout

• 1 min run (6 mph), 2 min power-walk (4 mph), 7x
• 80 Jumping Jacks
• 50 Vertical Leg Crunches
• 20 Sit-ups
• 15 Tricep Dips
• 10 Side Lunges (w/ 10 lbs)
• 15 Leg Lifts (each leg)
• 50 Bicycles
• 15 Wall Push-ups
• 40 Russian Twists (w/ 10 lbs)

Dinner

• Thai Red Curry Chicken over Rice w/ Mushrooms, Bok Choy, Squash, Sprouts, & Asparagus

Snack
Drinks

• 6 cups of water
• 4 cups of coffee
• Blue Moon Rounder
• 2 glasses of wine
• Blue Moon Agave Nectar Ale

Getting There ~ Daily Log 5/6

Today is a productive day (I'm making sure of it).  I had office hours, during which I completed an assignment, ballroom dancing, class, a fitness class, and then On Call duties which should be slow and during which I can get more stuff done (maybe even hang with a friend). 

Ballroom dancing was especially fun today... we started off with the Viennese Waltz which is an absolutely beautiful dance.  It reminds me of the ballroom scene in Sleeping Beauty and I hope one day to have the privilege to dress up in a gown and dance to it! 

The teacher then decided to throw in a random and high-paced dance called the Polka.  He showed us the basic steps (which basically consists of a constant jumping and skipping type motion), paired us up with partners, then challenged us to go along to the 5 min song and travel around the room in an oval shape (mind you there are about 100 people in this class).  I got partnered up with an especially good-humored guy and even though we messed up a thousand times, I probably had the most fun I have had in that class.  It felt like we were running/skipping around this gigantic room twirling in circles and trying to dodge all of the other chaotically running/skipping couples.  Within 30 seconds at least half of the class had given up and pushed off to the side, leaving the remaining of the couples more room to continue.  We decided to push through it even though we were panting by this time and were 1 of the 3 remaining couples to make it through the whole thing! By the end of it everyone was sweating as if they had run a mile, but it was so worth it and I just know that'll be one of my favorite memories of this class.

We finished up the class with a Rumba which was also a lot of fun :) Needless to say I left the class with a huge smile on my face (and sweat on my brow).  It was also a huge relief that it was sunny out! The forecast said rain but it was bright and sunny through out!  I got some tea, hung out in the sun, and then headed to my other class. 

Fitness class today was difficult but rewarding! I can definitely tell the difference between the first class I took 5 weeks ago and today's.  Although still incredibly difficult, I can now push myself to continue without stopping and reveling in the feeling of doing something good for my body.  After the high intensity cardio portion we had a core centered portion that consisted of some really challenging sit-ups / crunches / balancing... It is hard to explain, but the point is that I didn't stop throughout that portion at all.  I can feel my core getting tighter and stronger and it feels better than ever!
I am getting there and I will not stop pushing myself! This is just the beginning :)

Breakfast

• Hashbrowns w/ 1 Fried Egg, 1/4 Avocado, & Sour Cream

Lunch

• Salad w/ Lemon Pepper Chicken, Goat Cheese, Tomato, Cucumber, Red Onion

Mini-Workout

• Ballroom Dancing

Snack

• 2 cuties

Workout

• 1 hr Core Cardio Fitness Class

Dinner

• Healthy Baked Chicken Stuffed Red Bell Peppers (find recipe here)
• I slightly altered my ingredients; I used chicken, mushroom, green onion, zucchini, & spinach as the filling with a tomato sauce

Drinks

• 6 cups of water (& counting)
• 1.5 cups of coffee
• 4 cups of black tea
• 4 cups of green tea

Cuatro de Mayo ~ Daily Log 5/5

Its been a good few days :) Hanging with friends mostly and getting some things accomplished.  Since my friend and I work today, we decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo early on Saturday... and Cuatro de Mayo was born! Yesterday was a lot of fun; we went to two outdoor festivals and got a bunch of free stuff, including a CD from a band that was playing! We had some wings, got Starbucks happy hour Frappuccino's, and then headed back to my friend's house to play games, drink corona-mango-ritas, and make a Pinata Cake and Mexican corn.  It was absolutely delicious and we ended up spending the whole night dancing and talking :) I love my friends so much, and I'm going to miss them when we all graduate.  There was a tear jerker moment (thanks, Tequila) when we agreed to be each others bride's mates if/when we get married <3

Today I have to work, but my friend is also working so we'll have a good time.  We're really glad we celebrated yesterday because today's weather is kind of drippy droppy... so I won't mind staying inside!

Breakfast

• Spicy Chicken Salad w/ Tomato, Cucumber, Red Onion, 1/2 Avocado, & Sour Cream

Lunch

• 2 Shrimp Enchiladas
• Side Salad

Snack

• Strawberry Greek Yogurt w/ Granola

Dinner

• Strawberries
• Salami & a few Triscuit thins

Drinks

• 6 cups of water
• 2.5 cups of coffee
• 5 cups of black tea
• 2.5 cups of green tea
• 2.5 cups of herbal tea
• 1 glass of wine

Here Comes the Sun

Changes ~ Daily Log 5/1

Sometimes life throws you for a loop.  It is your choice whether to try hopelessly to fight it and get lost and disoriented or to lean into it and embrace the change.  As hard as it is, I'm going to try and embrace this.  This entire year I've been dreading graduation... It terrifies me that most of my friends will be moving away and that I might have to move back to my hometown.  I held onto this hope that my contract with one of my current jobs would be extended until September so that I'd at least have a couple more months to embrace this beautiful town and figure out what to do next.  I wanted this so badly that I tried not to think about what I'd do if my contract wasn't extended.

Today I found out that it wasn't.  After I graduate mid-June, I lose the job that pays for my apartment which means that I will most likely have to also quit my other job since I won't be able to afford rent here.  I'm trying to remain positive but to be honest I am a little devastated.  However, this will force me to start evaluating all of my options for after graduation and hopefully come up with something worthwhile.  It'll be goodbye to all of the friends I have made here :(  I just have to trust that I can handle anything and I will find my groove wherever I end up.

And now I really need to take advantage of every moment here with my friends for this next month and a half.

Besides that, today has been a long and stressful day.  I had a midterm today at 2pm for Italian Culture that I had procrastinated studying on so I spent a couple hours last night and woke up early this morning to study for it.  I also had a meeting at 11.  I'm just glad its over with now and I have some time to myself to figure everything out.  I have some articles and essays to write, plus the gym, so hopefully that'll keep me busy enough to keep my mind off of negativity.

"People walk a tightrope on a razor's edge,

carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons.

It could be a bomb, or a bullet, or a pen,

OR a thought, or a word, or a sentence.

 

There ain't no reason things are this way,

It's how they've always been and they intend to stay.

I can't explain why we live this way...

We do it every day.

 

But love will come set me free.

Love will come set me free, I do believe.

Love will come set me free, I know it will.

Love will come set me free, yes."

Breakfast

• Hashbrowns w/ 1 Fried Egg, 1/4 Avocado, & Sour Cream

Snack

• Pomegranate Chobani Greek Yogurt

Lunch

• Salad w/ Spicy Chicken, Tomato, 1/2 Avocado, Cucumber, Red Onion, & Sour Cream

Workout

• 1 min run (6 mph), 2 min power-walk (4 mph), 7x
• 90 Jumping Jacks
• 20 Tricep Dips
• 20 Sit-ups
• 30 Sec Plank, 4x
• 30 Sec Alternating Plank
• 80 Crunches
• 10 Oblique Crunches (each side)
• 20 Standing Calf Raises
• 3 Sets of 15 Seated Low Rows, 40 lbs

Dinner

• Salad w/ Lemon Chicken

Drinks

• 4.5 cups of coffee
• 7 cups of water
• 2.5 cups of black tea
• 2.5 cups of green tea

Remind Yourself ~ Daily Log 4/30

The weather might suck but I'm not letting it get me down.  I went out to a yummy breakfast this morning with a couple of my friends, had an appointment on campus, worked out, studied, and later tonight I'm going to see the movie Disconnected :)

I put one of my new necklaces on today to help give me the strength to take control of my day and my emotions.  It is a dragon on a red gemstone which symbolizes strength, protection, and motivation to pull through. I absolutely love it and it helps to have a reminder.

"Its not always rainbows and butterflies... its compromise that moves us along. My heart is full, and my door is always open."

 

On our way back from breakfast this morning, my friends and I had a Michael Buble kick.  We're all obsessed with him, and especially his song "I Just Haven't Met You Yet." My God, I finally watched the music video and I am so obsessed with him.  And the lyrics really resonate :) This song can put you in a better mood any day.

"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.

Talk myself in, I talk myself out

I get all worked up then I let myself down.

 

And I know some day that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out.

And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet.

 

I might have to wait, I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing and the other half's luck.

Wherever you are, whenever its right

You'll come out of nowhere and into my life."

 

Oh, and I got my graduation photos back :) I can't believe how close I am to graduating...

 

 







 

Breakfast

• 1 Fried Egg, Pasilla Chile, 1/2 Potato, & Cheese

Workout

• 1 min run (6 mph), 2 min power-walk (4 mph), 7x
• 80 Jumping Jacks
• 50 Vertical Leg Crunches
• 20 Sit-ups
• 15 Tricep Dips
• 10 Side Lunges (each leg) w/ 10 lb weight
• 15 Leg Lifts & 10 circular lifts (each leg)
• 50 Bicycles
• 15 Wall Push-ups
• 40 Russian Twists w/ 10 lb weight

Lunch

• Broiled Tilapia w/ Goat Cheese, Brown Rice, & Steamed Zucchini, Asparagus, Mushrooms, & Spinach

Dinner

• Mango Chobani Greek Yogurt
• Popcorn

Drinks

• 9 cups of water
• 4 cups of coffee
• 4 cups of green tea

Keep Your Head Up ~ Daily Log 4/29

I feel like I've been going, going, going for the past 5 days straight.  So much to do, so much to plan, and yet all I want to do is just cuddle up in my blankets.  Despite everything, I did have some fun.  I got to try a couple new food places along with some new wines and also checked out a gem show where I was able to buy some really unique pieces, including 2 Tibetan pendants that symbolize strength and healing.  I'm wearing one of them for the first time today and just having a reminder of strength I feel helps me pull through everything.

Today is a crazy day... I have office hours, ballroom dancing, class, shopping for my event, setting up the event, the event itself, and all throughout just hoping that the event goes well.  Hopefully if I'm not drained by the end of it I can make it to the gym and grocery store because I have absolutely no food at my house.

 

~...Later in the Day...~

 

The event was a success!  A lot of people showed up, all the food was eaten, and everyone seemed to have a good time. I'm just glad its over now!  I went grocery shopping with a friend and they happened to have a really great sale on beer (like $2-$3 for a large beer) so we grabbed a couple and then went home to watch How I Met Your Mother (I can't believe I'm already on the 8th season!).  I'm really glad my friend was there for me, I really didn't want to be alone and she can cheer me up anyday <3

Breakfast

• Frozen Dinner Tortellini (240 cal) - I didn't lie... I have absolutely no food.

Lunch

• Salad w/ Spicy Chicken, Goat Cheese, & Red Onion

Mini-Workout

• 1 hr Ballroom Dancing

Snack

• Strawberry Greek yogurt w/ Granola

Dinner

• Salad w/ Tomato, Cucumber, Red Onion, Goat Cheese, & Lemon Chicken

Drinks

• 9 cups of water
• 2 cups of coffee
• 6 cups of green tea
• 2 beers

Time Keeper

  "Time keeper, I wish I could start over again I'm too young To be feeling this way Yeah I'm wasted as I lie awake There goes another day.   Time keeper, I thought I'd have it right by now. Time keeper, Everything is still spinning out I'm undone.   So choke the dawn and damn the daylight Time is just an invisible line. Time keeper, I'm hoping you hear me, tonight.   Tell me I'm gonna be alright."

Shadows ~ Daily Log 4/27

Fairy tales are lies. You grow up watching Disney movies and learning that love just happens and that your prince charming will find you, be the perfect man for you, and you will live happily ever after. But that just doesn't happen.  The older you get, the more this becomes clear. 

Relationships take a lot of work, and not everyone is ready for one.  But how do you know if you're ready?

My last relationship was both amazing and horrific.  We had some beautiful times, and I truly considered him my best friend.  I thought I had found something special, unique, and lasting.  Then things would begin to go downhill... but it was so easy to just try and move past these things and go back to the good times.  I would always tell myself that all of the bad times were temporary and unusual, but I think deep down I knew they weren't.  It was evident that our relationship was toxic to the both of us, but neither of us wanted to let go because of that sweet addiction to the feeling we had when we first started.  And so we destroyed each other.  I became terrified of him.

I will always love him, and I know there will be times that I wish I could just hold him close.  But with maturity comes the responsibility of knowing when to let something go.  Knowing when something is slowly tearing you apart and that you can't take it any longer.  Knowing that fear isn't healthy.

I am doing my best to live day by day with the focus of bettering myself and appreciating everything that I have been blessed with.  I'm not going to lie... it is not easy sometimes.  But life isn't easy, and obviously love is even harder.  It is something we all strive for, yet few succeed in for long periods of time. 

May we all find the strength, courage, and determination to live every day to its fullest and allow ourselves to be vulnerable and accepting enough to appreciate and recognize love when we find it.

"Those that go searching for love only manifest heir own lovelessness.  And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love.  And they never have to seek for it." ~D.H. Lawrence

 

"My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more.  It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure.  When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive - I'll find love again." ~Paulo Coelho

 

"We waste time looking for the perfect love, instead of creating the perfect love." ~Tom Robbins

 

"Find someone worthy of your love, who will treat you with the same amount of respect and love you will give... because not everyone deserves your love."

 

Breakfast

• 2 Spring Rolls

Lunch

• Cajun Shrimp (lots & lots of deliciousness)

Snack

• Cheese & Crackers

Dinner

• Teppan - Scallops, some Fried Rice, Vegetables (I could barely eat any)

Drinks

• 7 cups of water
• 5 cups black tea
• 1 glass of wine

Who knew.

  "The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is."

Change ~ Daily Log 4/24

I woke up early this morning to write a last minute paper for my Italian culture class.  It is so strange that even though my work load is lighter than its ever been in school, I procrastinate more than ever.  No matter, I finished it and I'm not too worried about it. I'm just glad I actually woke up on time to write it.


Biking to and from school today was kind of miserable.  The weather right now can't choose between fog and rain, so the result is a very misty / sprinkly atmosphere.  It is also cold as hell.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until after I left the house.  I'm a trooper, though.  I had ballroom dancing where I learned the foxtrot and swing, then I biked over to Starbucks for a pick me up.  I had another class soon after then I rushed as quickly as I could home to the warmth of my lovely apartment.  A lovely nap ensued.

I had my weekly meeting at 5:30, but this week they made it an appreciation with a raffle and dinner.  Very tasty free meal and I got to catch up with some great people, and I was actually able to make plans with one of them which will be really nice :) Sometimes you have to branch out and learn other perspectives and try new things.

Tonight will probably be pretty boring... I just got home and I have an empty fridge and a lot of dirty laundry.  I also just finished a home work out inspired by Body Rock TV.  I really couldn't bring myself to go to the gym due to the weather and a minor headache but I also felt incredibly guilty just sitting down on the couch since I didn't work out yesterday.  I remembered finding out about Body Rock a few months back but I never had the chance to try it because I felt like it required a lot of equipment.  However, they have a new Hiit series that doesn't require any equipment! See the work out I did below. 

Breakfast

• Hashbrowns w/ 1 Fried Egg

Mini-Workout

• 1 hr Ballroom Dancing

Lunch

• Salad w/ Red Onion, Cucumber, & Goat Cheese with light Italian Dressing

Dinner

• Chicken tacos w/ rice & beans
• Kale Salad
• Strawberries

Workout

• 100 Jump Rope
• 40 Burpee Calf Raises
• 100 Jump Rope
• 60 Incline Push-ups
• 75 High Knees
• 40 Switch Lunges
• 75 High Knees
• 40 Squat & Kicks
• 75 High Knees
• 30 Tricep Dips
• 75 High Knees
• 40 Squat Jump & Dips
• 75 Butt Kickers
• 60 Mountain Climbers
• 75 Butt Kickers

Drinks

• 10 cups of water
• 4 cups of coffee
• 2 cups of green tea

This is the End ~ Daily Log 4/23

Today has been a great day so far!  I woke up and headed to Starbucks and sat out on the patio to do some reading.  Within 10 minutes, a guy with a guitar came around and played Bob Marley and other reggae songs :)  It was such a relaxing and amazing feeling to just sit there with the warm sun and cool breeze and relax to some great music.  It was definitely a beautiful start to my day!

Then I headed over to a signing for Seth Rogan, Danny McBride, & Craig Robinson for their movie "This is the End." 

After that, we booked it over to the theater to watch the advanced screening.  Unfortunately I didn't get the opportunity to grab food like my friends did before they started letting us in (an hour and a half early).  However, we got really great seats and... *drum roll please*... Seth Rogan, Danny McBride, & Craig Robinson all sat only 1 row away from us and watched the entire movie with us!!!!  We were lucky as hell because there were a few other showings and they sat in ours! We also got a Q&A session from them afterwards :D  It is a hysterical movie, and there are more movie stars in it than you can imagine! I might just go see it again when it comes out in theaters in June ^^

Needless to say, its been an awesomeeee day.

Breakfast

• Chicken Souvlaki Pita

Snack

• Popcorn

Dinner

• Fish Burrito

Drinks

• 7 cups of water
• 2 cups of black tea
• 4 cups of green tea
• Sprite (Yeah I know I hate it... but it was free and I was thirsty x.x)

 

Chances ~ Daily Log 4/22

It has already been a busy day, and its only 10:30am! Got up early and went to the office, which was a lot busier than usual.  Normally its my time where I can catch up on reading or homework, but not this time around.  I also have ballroom dancing, class, and the gym ahead of me.  Tonight I get to relax and go see a movie with some friends :)  I'm glad I have began to take initiative and plan these things - you should make things happen rather than wait for them to happen!

 

~...Later in the Day...~

 

My day picked up once I went to my ballroom class.  I love this class because it really pushes you out of your comfort zone, and everyone is vulnerable because we're all beginners.  You really get lost in the music, and its exciting to learn a new dance and then try it out with different partners.  I never realized how important each move is, and how you can tell within 30 seconds if your lead knows what he's doing. 

 

There's a 10 minute break in between the first class and the second (I'm in the second), and mostly everyone waits patiently along the sidelines waiting for the instructor as the TAs show off their moves in the middle of the room.  However, today was different.  One or two guys (out of the about 50 that come) decided to get the courage to ask a partner to dance and practice alongside the TA's.  I got asked to dance, and it was refreshing to just move with the music instead of listening to an instructor.  After this class is over at the end of this quarter, I really hope I can find a relatively cheap ballroom dancing class to continue with.  I'd hate for this fun to be over in 6 weeks!

 

I had an hour break in between my Italian culture class and the fitness class, so I got myself some green tea and relaxed outside on the grass.  To my luck, within a few minutes a guy came to the same field to work on his bike and started playing some music.  The combination of the beautiful blue skies, the light and refreshing breeze, the sun rays gently washing over me, and the music really just put me into an amazing place. 

 

So long story short its been a good day :) I've gotten plenty of exercise in, got to enjoy my surroundings, and tonight I get to go see a movie with my friends.  Find a reason to smile <3

And now for an amazing quote from How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 10:

Robin: There's something I have to tell you.
Kevin: Then don't.
R: What?
K: If there's one thing I've learned as a therapist, it's that just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard.
R: Kevin, I did something bad.
K: We've all done bad things. Doesn't mean we're bad people. Look, I don't care about every detail from your past, and I hope you don't care about mine either.  What I do care about is you, and that from tonight forward, you're in this as much as I am.  What do you think?
R: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
K: I am constantly amazed by the things you say, entranced by the things you do, and unlike a certain Jalapeno Coconut Vodka martini,  you're easy on the eyes.  And if we're together long enough, I hope that one day you see yourself the way I see you.
 

Breakfast

• Jalapeno Chedder Chicken Lean Pocket

Snack

• Apple

Lunch

• 2 Chicken Tacos w/ Sour Cream (running out of groceries =X)

Mini-Workout

• 1 hr Ballroom Dancing

Snack

• Peach & Passion Fruit Liberte Greek yogurt

Workout

• Core Cardio Fitness Class - this class pushes me harder than I have ever been pushed before.

Dinner

• Lemon Pepper Chicken
• Brown Rice
• Steamed Asparagus
• Side Salad w/ Tomato, Cucumber, Red Onion & Light Cheesy Fantastico Dressing

Drinks

• 3.5 cups of coffee
• 9 cups of water
• 2.5 cups of green tea
• 1 cup of black tea

Beautiful ~ Daily Log 4/21

So it has been a very eventful 36 hours! Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days I have ever seen and I actually had it off from work, so I got to have a lot of fun with my friends.  First I went to a Holi celebration, which is an Indian tradition that brings people together to put aside their differences and just enjoy life.  This of course is complemented by throwing colored powder at everyone and dancing on the beach :) Definitely a fun experience, and I'm so glad we were able to go!

After that, we had some adventures... which included going to a different beach, trying a new food place, checking out some local events, and watching the sunset while chilling on the cliffs. It was definitely a great day! Then we relaxed with some drinks and games after the sun went down.

I am actually a little sore from walking so much yesterday, so at least I got some exercise in! Unfortunately I didn't make it this morning before work at 1pm, but I'll be back to it on Monday for sure.  About to head to work... makin' that money.

Breakfast

• Maple Oatmeal

Lunch

• Turkey Pesto Avocado Sandwich

Snack

• Key Lime 100 Calorie Greek Yogurt

Dinner

• 1 cup of Black Beans

Drinks

• 10 cups of water
• 2 cups of black tea
• 4 cups of green tea
• 2 cups of herbal tea
• 2 cups of coffee
• 1 glass of wine

Happy Holi!

Recuperation ~ Daily Log 4/19

I initially woke up at 11am, took a shower, but then passed back out until 1pm.  Sleeping only about 4 hours in total yesterday really got to me, but I'm feeling better now.  And even better news is that my friend is okay :)

I have my senior graduation pictures today, which completely stresses me out.  I've missed my appointment twice because I just absolutely hate the pressure of dressing all nice, smiling in just the right way, and hoping for the best.  Oh well, it'll just be nice to get it over with.

I was going to work out this morning but, as I said, I couldn't stay awake.  I still have completed 3 days at the gym this week and I also plan on going tomorrow and maybe Sunday (fingers crossed).  After I get my pictures taken, I just have work for a few hours then we shall see what happens tonight.

Ooh, I made a new pact with myself! Normally when I drink coffee out at places such as Starbucks, I use 2 Splendas and Half & Half.  I decided that since I drink so much of it (and this goes for tea as well), I am going to try to slowly cut back on sugar and only use nonfat milk.  I believe that small changes like this will help me reach my goal! So for the first week or two (I started on Tuesday), I will only use 1.5 packets of sugar.  Once I'm fine with that, just 1... and so on until I can drink my coffee/tea without sugar.  It'll definitely be a challenge, but so is everything that matters in life! Oh, and I'm trying to drink more tea :)


Brunch

• Broiled Swai w/ Goat Cheese, Brown Rice, & Steamed Vegetables

Dinner

• 2 Shrimp Tacos w/ Chipotle Sauce
• Side Salad with Sesame Dressing

Drinks

• 10 cups of black tea
• 2 cups of green tea
• 6 cups of water
• 2 beers

Chaos Theory ~ Daily Log 4/18

So today was a very trying and unpredictable day.  Yesterday my friend had been complaining that she felt dizzy and faint.  I offered to drive her to the ER if she was really worried about it, but she declined the offer.  At 4:30am this morning (I had gone to bed at 2am) I get a call from her, crying, asking if I could take her.  We were at the hospital from 4:30am to 10am, and they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her.  They told her if the pain persisted until 5pm to come back for more tests.  I took her to the store to buy some clear liquids and then I took her home... it was so sad to see that she could barely stand, let alone walk.  I'm so glad that I could be there for her, and I really hope she'll be okay.  She was one of my friends who ensured that my birthday would be as good as possible... and I love her for it.  I'm just glad I could be there for her.

Today I was supposed to go to a Job Fair.  I spent 4 hours last night preparing my resume, practicing my 60 sec. "Elevator Pitch," and researching companies.  That started at 12pm.  I got home at 11am, exhausted.  I take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be.  At least my resume looks snazzy now! I passed out for 3.5 hours, and now I'm getting ready to head out to my classes (my website class and wine tasting class).  I hope I can stay awake long enough to appreciate everything, and I hope my friend is feeling better (she's still asleep).


Breakfast

• 100 Calorie Yoplait Peach Greek Yogurt

Snack

• 1 Cutie

Lunch

• 2 Chicken Tacos w/ Sour Cream & 1/2 Avocado

Snack

• Salami, Cheese, & Crackers (for wine class)

Dinner

Drinks

• 5 cups of water
• 1.5 glasses of wine

Get It Done ~ Daily Log 4/17

Today has been a long but productive day, and I like that.  Life needs a good balance between relaxation and productivity.  I woke up at 9am, went to breakfast with a friend at 10am, had a meeting at 11am, went to ballroom dancing with my friend at 12pm, got my resume critiqued, had my Italian culture class at 2, went to the gym at 4, had another meeting at 5:30, and now I'm finally home.

It was really hard to push myself to go to the gym today.  My friend backed out of the 4pm fitness class, and I didn't want to go by myself, so I biked home and sat down on the couch for a minute with the intention of going to the gym in the next 15 minutes.  I started to slouch and slowly close my eyes, loving how comfortable it felt to just sit there.  But I knew I'd regret it if I skipped out.  I forced myself up, quickly got dressed, and hauled ass to the gym before I changed my mind. And I'm so glad I did!

That's 3 days so far this week :) 3 days in a row! I'm so proud I have been pushing myself.  Tomorrow might be difficult to go to the gym, but I know I'll make it on either Friday or Saturday (or both!).  I've got the determination and I'm not going to waste it.

Tonight I'm going to try to get even more stuff done, perhaps with the motivation of a glass of wine. I have some reading to do, articles to write, research to do, etc.  Fingers crossed!



"And it was fun fun fun when we were drinking
It was fun fun fun when we were drunk
And it was fun fun fun when we were laughing
It was fun fun fun, oh it was fun

Oh well I look at you and say
It's the happiest that I've ever been
And I'll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she'll say
"Yah well I feel all pretty happy too"
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you

And it'll be love love love all through our bodies
And love love love all through our minds
And it be Love love love all over her face
And Love love love all over mine

Although maybe all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking ‘bout them as I'm lying in bed
And all that I believe, it might not even come true
But in my mind I'm havin' a pretty good time with you

In five years time I might not know you
In five years time we might not speak
In five years time we might not get along
In five years time you might just prove me wrong."
Breakfast

• Bagel Melt with Sundried Tomato Cream Cheese, Red Onion, Swiss, Tomato, & Avocado

Mini-Workout

• 1 hour Ballroom Dancing

Snack

• Apple

Workout

• 1 min run (6.4 mph), 2 min power-walk (4 mph) 7x
• 90 Jumping Jacks
• 20 Tricep Dips
• 20 Sit-ups
• 30 Sec Plank (3x)
• 30 Mountain Climbers
• 40 Crunches
• 10 Oblique Crunches (each side)
• 20 Standing Calf Raises w/ 20 lbs

Post-Workout Meal

• 2 Chicken Tacos w/ Sour Cream, 1/4 Avocado, & Black Bean Salsa

Dinner

• Chicken Taco Salad w/ Green Chili, Avocado, Tomato, Red Onion, Cucumber, & Sour Cream

Drinks

• 3 cups of coffee
• 2 cups of tea
• 9 cups of water
• 1 glass of wine

Highest Honors ~ Daily Log 4/16

Today is a VERY good day :D I went to breakfast with one friend and then coffee with another, and it was nice and peaceful to chill outside under the beautiful sky.  Since I had some spare time, I went in to the walk-ins for a senior graduation check-up.  I had to wait awhile, but it was SO worth it.  I found out that not only am I good to graduate in June and all of my requirements are complete, but also that with my 3.98 GPA I am graduating with "Highest Honors" in the top 2.5% of my class. I get to wear a special cord at graduation, and the honors will be shown on my diploma :D

Not only that, but the counselor insisted on telling me how big of an accomplishment this is.  I'm a transfer student, and she kept saying "I just want you to understand that an A at a community college and an A at this  University are not the same thing... It is a huge feat to get an A here. And you didn't get just one A, but straight A's in all the 2 years you've been here, along with some A+'s. It's very impressive!"  Needless to say, I left with the biggest smile on my face.

The counselor recommended that I also check in with my major's department, so I decided what the hell.  I biked over and asked for them to look over everything, and the psych counselor congratulated me on finishing my major and also added in that I had an amazing GPA, and congratulations.  I am GLOWING right now.

On top of everything, I am proud that I have pushed myself to go to the gym at least 3 days each week for the past 3 weeks.  It's paying off, and I'll only improve and become stronger both physically and mentally as the weeks go on.

Tonight the fun continues... Despite the high intensity wind that made it sound like the big bad wolf was going to blow down my house, I made it to the gym! I'm so proud of myself for that.  I made myself a delicious dinner, got to chill and watch How I Met Your Mother, and then I get to see Evil Dead tonight with a friend... let's hope I can sleep tonight!

"There's a spanner in the works, you know
You gotta step up your game to make it to the top
So go

Gotta little competition now
You're going to find it hard to cope with living on your own now
Oh oh, oh oh

Let's make this happen, girl
You gotta show the world that something good can work
And it can work for you
And you know that it will

Let's get this started girl
We're moving up, we're moving up
It's been a lot to change
But you will always get what you want."

Breakfast

• Tri-tip sandwich w/ grilled onions and hollandaise
• Fries (hey, I'm allowed them once in awhile!)

Lunch

• Cajun Chicken Tacos w/ Sour Cream, Black Bean Salsa, & 1/4 Avocado

Workout

• 1 min run (6 mph), 2 min power-walk (4 mph), 7x 
• 80 Jumping Jacks
• 50 Vertical Leg Crunches
• 20 Sit-ups
• 15 Tricep Dips
• 10 Side Lunges (each leg) w/ 10 lb weights
• 15 Leg Lifts & 10 Circle Lifts (each leg)
• 50 Bicycles
• 15 Wall Push-ups
• 80 Russian Twists

Dinner

• Broiled Swai with Goat Cheese, Brown Rice, Steamed Veggies

Drinks

• 3 cups of coffee
• 9 cups of water